Hello, hello. It’s been a while!

I’ve lived in a new state for 6 months now and have learned so much that I’d like to share! The first, and most prominent, lesson is the power of being alone.

When I moved, I knew I wanted to make my own friends and have my own experiences. This pushed me to become the “yes girl.” The yes girl is down for any new activity, unknown adventure, and ready to grab lunch. You say the word and she’s there. Want to go to this concert on Friday? Yes. Want to help me with this project? Yes. Want to join this book club? Yes. Want to grab a drink after work? Yes. Honestly, I’m still in my yes girl phase and I’m really enjoying it. By saying “yes” I’ve met so many new people, gone to new places, and learned more about myself.

Despite being a yes girl and meeting so many new people, there are times when I didn’t have anyone to go to an event with. The people I knew were either busy or not interested in the activity so I was on my own. I could have decided to stay home where I’m comfortable and still have unpacking to do, but I didn’t. This is where things got uncomfy… very uncomfy. I started going places alone, something my 20-year-old self wouldn’t even IMAGINE doing. Because of this, I felt so uncomfortable, anxious, and fearful to go to events by myself. Questions like “What if I look awkward?”, “What if there are no tables left?”, “I hope I get a spot in the back.”, “Should I wear neutral colors so I don’t stand out?” would go through my head constantly. Honestly, any anxious thought, I probably had it. Regardless of feeling uncomfy, I pushed myself to get in my car, keep walking, and pretend that I was meant to be where I was.

And guess what? Pretending worked.

After pretending to be confident in myself, I eventually started BELIEVING it. To practice this, I started small by going to a new coffee shop weekly. The unfamiliarity of driving around a new city, the parking process, deciding what to order, and finding a table was enough stress for me. But fast forward 6 months, it feels natural and I don’t get as nervous about the things I used to. (I’ve also been to a lot of coffee shops around this city!!) Although pretending was the biggest tool that helped me, here is a list including a few more:

1. Pretend to be confident until you are. This is hard at the beginning and takes practice! I’m still working on this daily.
2. Ask questions. People want to help! From ordering something on the menu to finding directions, just ask.
3. Say “Hi” first and ask how someone is doing. I usually say “How’s your day going?” Rather than “How are you?” in hopes that they provide a little more insight into their life. It usually works!
4. Come prepared. For example, if you’re going to a coffee shop, bring a book in case you get bored and want to stay awhile. If you’re going to a networking event, bring your notebook and doodle if there’s a moment of awkwardness.
5. Even if you go somewhere and talk to no one, be present and be proud of yourself! Then go home and tell your mom all about what you did that day. 🙂

From the smallest of places, like a coffee shop, to a big networking event, being alone is hard but it’s an opportunity for SO. MUCH. GROWTH. Hold your head up, roll those shoulders back, and put on a smile. After you push yourself to do activities alone, I believe you’ll slowly become more confident and more self-aware of your thoughts, likes, and mannerisms. Growth is the most uncomfy and rewarding thing there is!

xx, Carlie